tempat sampah gue…

How do you wake up from nightmare when you’re not asleep? it just make you realize the horror is real, because it happened for sure. When I watched my favorit movies "The machinist" Stevie the prostitute tell Reznik "Everyone get insomnia sometimes" heck, when I heard that line I was asking myself "is that true?".

I don’t know the answer but come back to the first line of this topic, insomnia really can be a nightmare (literally!). Ok, my case probably is not insomnia but for sure I can’t sleep normally ! What I mean by normally I can’t be like other people having a nice sleep in the night and for sure it’s jeopardize my life. I can’t concentrate on my life because when you’re not asleep at night you lose a lot of energy at day and damn !!!! it happened to me, everyday ! I just don’t know what to do and it is not like I did not try anything, I bought a pill that claimed the pill can help for sleeping problem….and SHIT !!!! it don’t work at all for me ! Sometimes I am so angry, I don’t know who to ask for help, my dad hey it is not that I said he doesn’t care but well….kinda’ hard to expect him to help me while mom just scold me all the time, she thought I am making this up so I can sleep a lot at the day on holiday (mom, don’t you know that this is also happened at the school day ? why don’t you believe me ? it really ruins my life you know)

It happenned since I returned from US, I just don’t know I guess it’s now psychological and definitely my body really "killing" myself. If it because of my sin, forgive me o Lord, because If you don’t I really damned and If I were damned I am just your servant.

I Know…I know, I’ve been bitching a lot about food here in Malaysia. Guess I have to say it honestly, Indonesian food a lot better !!! (Sorry for my Malaysian friends, but hey…reality sucks tee-hee…:-p )

Anyway, that’s not the purpose I wrote this nonsense (food is quite important, dammit ! still kinda’ annoying) You know, nearby where I live there is this cendol little stall, well…actually not really a stall it just a….hmm dunno’ what do you call it in ENglish but it has wheel…anyway they sell cendol in this little "stall" there’s one Indian guy and his assistant. I noticed something  about Malaysian cendol (which I do comparison with another stalls and Indonesian cendol) The sweet taste come from a honey, where there use it as the "sugar" ! compare to what Indonesian cendol seller, they use brown sugar instead. Oh my God, it’s freakin’ sweet !!!! I don’t even dare to try it next time I’m going back home (of course I didn’t want to get diabetic, get my foot cut off, scary huh ?)
and when your food is so damn sweet, it also causing me a bit dizzy feeling….just like sweet Oreo and you put extra sugar with it….(damn it!)

well, Malaysian should be proud with their cendol anyway ! allow me to shout MALAYSIA BOLEH !!!!

Yup, new semester means new class with new assignment and the most dreadful thing, another financial problem…:( :(  sometimes I wish my parents so rich I don’t even have to worry about my bank balance….but hey suck it up ! this is what really happen so…just like Gary said F*ck it !

ANyway, assignment udah dikasih skrng. Gue dan kawan2 (yaaah….classmate lah !) udah harus prepare buat corporate communication video, thank God gue emang se grup ama anak2 pinter yg know what they hell are they doing and doing it perfectly until the lecturer even impressed…hahahha !! today the luck is on my side terima kasih Tuhan !!!

hahah…jadi skrng gotta’ prepare and bikin tuh video secepatnya mudah2an gue bisa lulus tahun ini, AMin….

Adonai Lord….
Hear me O Lord,…..
I’ve been lost….
Can’t tell if it is day or night…..

Adonai,
Forgive for being so ungrateful and greedy
I know you hate those
I’ve been so confused with my self lately…

Adonai,
In you I take refugee….
Surely, you are the Lord of Alamin…
To you belong heavens and earth…

"He is Lord of the East and the West; there’s no god save Him; so choose thou Him alone for thy defender"
(Holy Qur’an; 73:9)

Gak ada yang maksa elo dateng kesini….!
Asal lo tau….

Kenapa, gak kuat ?
Loh….bung kadang2 kita gak punya pilihan
Doesn’t matter how bad it is you have to do it !

Satu dua kali salah dalam belajar itu wajar…!
tapi kalau berkali-kali ?
Liat dengan perspektif lain dong ! kacamata bukan cuma satu di dunia ini
Bukannya bodoh, bisa jadi memang bukan untuk lo

Bung, dunia enggak selebar daun kolor (eh..kelor)
camkan itu !
Ingat pepatah, satu pintu tertutup masih ada pintu lain
Atau gak ada pintu yg terbuka, bikin pintu lo sendiri

Be good, pray and fight hard
Jadi laki laki sejati, jangan lenje
Surga bukan buat pemalas
Tapi untuk orang yang meneteskan peluh dengan perjuangan

Hear me O Lord,

sometimes I feel so grateful become part of MAKINDO,

ahahah..mungkin pad agak tau yah apa itu MAKINDO itu tuuuh…gue baru baca di kaskus.com MAKINDO atawa (MAhasiswa misKIN inDO). hehehehhe….hey, don;t get wrong I don’t hate my fortunate friend yang lahir dari well to do family, to be honest siapa sih yang gak mau ? gue juga pengen kok….hahahahah, but after a while gue ngeliat there is a blessing in disguise biarpun susah banget nerimanya sampai detik ini.

Minggu minggu ini gue lagi ngejalanin internship di salah satu advertising agency di Petaling Jaya, malaysia. Gue ngerasa gimana yang namanya di bego begoin di kantor dianggap remeh karena cuma intern, and pas lagi bokek di kasih allowancenya dikit heheheeh…but hey ! entar dulu….see ont the other side gue ngerasa namanya susah kerja, because in fact even though you’re the boss you’ll get a lot of headache too and when you’re just somebody else employee you need to work for your salary, If your boss nice enough when you’re perform better they might give you a bonus, right ? ada lagi…..gimana naik bis pulang kerja wakakakakak….yah jelas lebih enak dari di Indo sih but namanya nunggu bis mana penuh lagi hahahah…life is funny, and now I embrace more than I used to be. Thank You O Lord, certainly you knoweth best and I don’t

"Karena sesungguhnya di balik kesulitan itu ada kemudahan, sesungguhnya sesudah keculitan ada kemudahan" ( Al-Qur’an, 94:5-6)

Can you believe it….we’re in the world series since 1959 !!!! oh..my goodness, after beatin the Angels 4-1 in ALCS last night !

Gee…..I wish it’s gonna’ be our year, after our 1917 world series titles….by the way I’m gonna’ tell y’all sumthin’, we supposed to win the  1919 World Series if the infamous "black sox" scandals didn’t happen. Remember the "Shoeless" Joe ? (of course not, cuz’ even our grandparents wasn’t born yet, May Allah bless us)  lol….they threw the series cuz’ the gamblers pay ‘em quite good and there goes the titles to the Reds….( I’m not sure if it was Cincinnati Reds, but it definetely  Cincinnati)

AAND…………….this year after 4 complete games we are heading to World Series ! may this year be our year, Amen.

I have failed…
I have failed to be a good person
I have failed as a human
I have failed as a brother
I have failed as a son
I have failed as a Muslim
I have failed as a friend
I have failed as a student….

SOmetimes I always think just wanna’ shoot my head, but it won’t solve the problem
God will put my soul straight away to hell….
And who knows by HIS grace i could get some help
but….how….??
Grace is not just coming from the sky…
I have to seek for it….and dunno’ how
I’m sick & tired of myself
Sick and tired, everytime I change to be better person…
In the end thing just force me to realize that i didn’t change a bit…
everything turn out bad…..and it eat me alive…

I’m sick, tired, bored, insane…..
The pain don’t stop
It’s like a never ending cycle

O Lord….by your grace…
Please God, by your almightyness and your graceful hand…
Is there a way…?
any light that I can seek ?

By thy name….
If it isn’t you who else should I seek for help…
You’re the only one who hold my soul….
In the name of your
I take refugee on YOU…

Please….don’t let me be a FAILURE

it’s seems fun to me…..
How f**k thing can be…..
everytime I get head…..
I feel more dead…..

difficult enough to feel a little bit…..
dissapointed, passed over….
but I look around & through…
see you naked, but it oblivious….
and you don’t see me….

what a dissapointed day, I’ve checked the 2nd semester result….arrgghhh…crap got Straight C really wanna’ cry huu…….

ayo Buuudd…..woy belajar buud, mau jadi apa kamu nanti ! heheheh…eh…buat yg ngeliat blog ini ada yg jago sales promotion gak ? boleh minta tolong gak ? pliss….bingung gw nih ~!